Hospital Adventures

So as promised I wanted to write a post about our adventures in the hospital.  Most notable of our stint there was when I had my first true mommy moment.  We had the option of having our sweet baby room in with us, an option we gladlytook after a couple hours rest that first night.  The only time she wasn't in our room was for an hour every morning when her pediatrician came to asses her and she was taken to the nursery.

During our stay, we found out that Sarah and I have different blood types.  Because of this, it gave her blood a quality that made her more susceptible to yellow jaundice.  Yellow jaundice is measured by a blood test that checks bilirubin levels.  When she was tested, she did have elevated levels.  So they said they were going to keep an eye on it, and if it got higher, they'd have to give her light therapy.  Well, guess who's levels kept creeping up?  Yup, you guessed it, our sweet baby...

The blow came Monday night.   Mike had just stepped out to return some phone calls and grab a bite to eat, so it was just me and lil bit in the room.  Her nurse came in and said her levels had risen again and her pediatrician wanted her to go on the bilirubin table.  Being the naive first time mommy that I am, I said ok, how long will that take, an hour?  That's when I got the sympathetic look from the nurse who gently told me no, that meant she'd be on the table for the next 24 hours, except for 30 minutes every 3 hours to feed.  Talk about a blow.  A million thoughts ran through my head at that moment and I started crying as it sank in.  The nurse, being nice, said she'd go get things set up and give us a minute before taking her.
I immediately sent Mike a text saying to come back to the room ASAP.  I sat there holding my sweet baby girl crying as I tried to make sense of my thoughts.  I don't know how to describe the feeling at that point, so I'll just write out a list of all the thoughts and emotions:

1. First and foremost I want to do what's best for Sarah, which meant obviously giving her the treatment she needed to be healthy.
2. But how am I going to be away from her for 24 hours?
3. I'm supposed to be discharged tomorrow...
4. I'm not leaving this hospital without her.  I'm not.
5. My poor sweet girl, I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and that I gave your blood this quality.
6. Where is Mike?
7. I love you so much...
8. Our feedings take at least an hour right now... how are we gonna get that down to thirty minutes?
9. How selfish am I being?  I know she needs this, but I need her...
10. I'm so scared to have her that far away from me.
11. I don't want her to go....

And yes that whole time I am clutching her, rocking crying.  All I could do was tell her how much I love her and that I wouldn't leave her.  She looked so tiny and helpless and I felt like I'd failed her already. Twice.  (Nursing issues, I'll get into that in another post). Mike finally got back (I'm sure he wasn't gone that long, but it felt like it). I could barely tell him what as going on, I did get out the main points though.  The 3 of us sat there together for awhile.  To me, it felt like we were waiting for a death sentence... (Maybe I was a bit hormonal looking back, but at the time I felt like a mom that had to hand over her newborn to a stranger).  I did let Mike hold her for a bit because I knew he was going to miss her too, but I was right there stroking her face and kissing her.

The nurse came back and said we could feed her again before they took her, which bought us a little more time.  She also explained, that there were two options to keep us in the hospital together, one would be to keep me there (I did have a c section after all) another would be to discharge me, but admit Sarah, so it would be her room with us there as "visitors".  She also told us that we were welcome to come visit her and talk to her, hold her hand etc.  And luckily the nursery was right across the hall.  All of this helped ease my mind and made the situation slightly better. So we fed her and they took her to her treatment.

She'd been gone maybe 30 min before I convinced mike to go for a walk with me just to make sure she was okay.  Big mistake.  No sooner had we got in ear shot and I could hear her crying.  She was screaming and her poor little hands kept trying to take the eye protection off and my heart broke.  Here was my sweet little 3 day old feeling like she'd been abandoned. I talked to her and held her hand and she calmed down a little, but the second I stopped she started screaming again.  There were several nurses there and they seemed completely oblivious to her.  This was not the reassurance I was desperately seeking...  Mike eventually convinced me she'd be fine and we went back to the room.  It is so hard to fight your instincts to scoop her up and make everything better, with what you know she needs to be healthy.  This is the moment when I felt like I was a true "mommy".  I loved her so much and wanted only what was best for her even if it meant leaving her crying in the nursery.

Back in the room, I spent the next 30-45 min crying and giving Mike every argument my brain could come up with on why I needed to go get her.  He, of course, wouldn't let me and did his best to make things better. From then on, I sent him to check on her, my heart just couldn't take seeing her upset and being unable to fix it.  I did, however, do everything I could to make those 30 min feedings the best they could be and we held her for every second until the nurse told us she had to take her back.  The nurse did tell me she did better during the next session when they had her on her belly.  That made me feel a bit better.

Luckily, it didn't take 24 hours to get her levels back in the safe zone.  At 6 PM we got word that she was cleared to go home and we could all leave together.  And that was it.  Literally. No hype or instructions, just your free to take her when your ready.  So Mike packed up the bags and took them to the car while I dressed her to go home.  Of course, he also took all her supplies with him. In true baby form, she had a blow out poopy diaper, so I had to go to the nurse station and beg for another diaper. Then she spit up. Finally, I got her clean and changed and into the car seat.  We told the nurse we were ready and one of them walked us out and we left.  There was no ceremony or instructions, just "have a nice night ~ congratulations".

I think I made to the exit of the car garage before I was in tears (again).  I couldn't believe they trusted us to take care of this tiny little baby.  I'm a first timer. I don't know what I'm doing! Sure, I've babysat, but that is not the same thing!  My facebook post was a lot more positive then I actually felt at the time. Pure fear!  I sent a text to my mom asking if the hospital was crazy for letting us take her.  She just laughed and said we'd be fine.  Mike also spent a lot of our car ride easing my mind.  I remember him asking if I loved her, and I said of course... To which he said "Well no one is going to take better care of her than us, because I know we'll do everything to make sure she's happy and healthy.  We can do this.  I know YOU can do this".  A quick stop at the store to get formula and diapers/wipes and we were home.  I don't think we slept a wink that first night. I was not ready to not have a team of nurses round the clock.  I was so paranoid that something would happen if I wasn't looking at her.  But we made it.  Until next time :-)

 

The Birth Story Part 2

Wow!!  So how ashamed am I that I haven't taken the time to write the second part of our birth story... So sorry blog readers!  So at last check we were in labor waiting to be fully dilated and effaced. Well it was more of the same until about 5:30 PM when I was finally cleared to start pushing.  Random, but true, the epidural is an interesting beast.  I had feeling in my legs and was able to maneuvering myself fairly efficiently into different positions while not being able to feel contractions. This gave a false sense of energy.  I had no idea just how tired I was after 13 hours of labour.
 
So pushing was exhausting!  After the first two contractions I pushed on, I asked for the epidural to be turned way down so I could feel how effective I was being and adjust accordingly.  That helped but also brought on some very violent dry heaving.  Worst part of the pushing experience for me.  In between contractions, I spent my time desperately trying to do anything that would stop the need to throw up.  (Again, TMI, but I am being honest here).  After an hour of pushing, the nurse and doctor determined that she was presenting head up and could not navigate my pelvis.  She was stuck trying to navigate my pelvis (she made it in, and couldn't get out).  The doctor confirmed that she was a big baby and determined that we should go ahead with a c-section, rather than trying to force something that wasn't going to happen.

A whirlwind of activity happened at that point. A team of a million people came through doing various things and introducing themselves to me (As if I would ever be able to remember any of their names).  And yes that thought went through my head, with each new name and face I thought, ok, I'm not going to remember that so why bother trying.  You can't blame them though, it was polite.  Um, some random thoughts from that time, first I wasn't sure the epidural would be enough for surgery as I still had lots of feeling up until I was in the operating room (Can you feel this? Yes!).  By the time they put enough drugs in me, it was sheer will power not to just go to sleep.  The only thought keeping me semi-conscience was the thought that I was NOT going to miss her birth.  I'd come so far, if I missed it at that point I would have been devastated. Also, they almost forgot to go get mike after I was set up in the room, I think I asked for him before they remembered he was outside waiting. I needed some kind of comfort.

So the sheet was up and Mike was holding my hand and they told me they were starting.  10 minutes later I heard her melodic cry and started crying myself. I kept asking Mike if he could see her and what did she look like.  And he said he could see her and she was beautiful.  The first look I got of her was when she was on the table being warmed and cleaned. I swear she looked right at me.  Mike was able to go over and take pictures and video of her.  So he has video of that part, I'll see if I can upload it here at some point.

Once she was wrapped and weighed (7lbs, 12.5 oz - 20.8 inches) Mike brought her over and they put her on my chest.  She was so perfect and alert. I was able to have a hand free to touch her face.  I couldn't believe this was the little baby I'd spent the past 10 months with.  At this point things got a little hazy for me... I remember calling for Mike to come get the baby because I felt like I couldn't breathe. And didn't trust myself to hold her.  It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.  I went through the motions of deliberately breathing, but I still felt like I wasn't getting oxygen.  I wanted to sit up and cough, but knew that was impossible, as they were still working on me.  I was also congested from the crying over seeing her for the first time, so the last part of surgery were really rough for me.  They finished my sutures and elevated my head a little... relief was on the way...

Back in recovery, they kept asking if I wanted to hold her, and I knew I physically couldn't manage it at that point. So after a little bit I was strong enough to hold her and I finally had her in my arms...  In the pictures from this time, you can tell I'm exhausted and I think I look terrible, but they do tell the story of our night.

Um, also in recovery, the nurse had to keep pushing on my stomach/uterus to make sure it was contracting down.  That was the most excruciating part!  I literally felt like I was being ripped apart.  I apologized to the nurse, because while I knew it was her job, but it also made me not like her at all!  Just the memory is making me cringe right now.

We were moved to a post partum room, and we made the choice to send the baby to the nursery for awhile. I made it clear that I wanted to nurse her and to not put anything in her mouth, but I needed a few hours rest. I could barely see straight.  It broke my heart to send her to the nursery, but I also knew I would not be physically able to help her without sleep. Yes, I was at that point.  So that concludes our birth story. I'll try to write another post about our adventures in the hospital, cause there were a few, but that is for another time.  Plus sweet baby is waking up now and needs my attention!  I'll leave you with a picture from the operating room and a couple from recovery:



One of Sarah's 1st Pictures


Us in recovery


Sarah and I when I could finally hold her!

Live From The Hospital

We interrupt your regular scheduled blog to bring you a breaking news story... We're having a baby!  That's right ladies and gentlemen, sometime in the near(ish) future Baby Gill will make her grand appearance.  Shocking I know! And how am I able to bring you this exciting news update? Because I am in a waiting/holding pattern right now...
Here's the scoop:
Last night around 4:25 I awoke to my water breaking.  Let me just say, gush of water my butt!!  More like the Ocoee River.  Raging Rapids of water that haven't seemed to fully stop. TMI?  Yeah, for me too!  But if you want to know the truth about spontanious water breakage, there you go.  (So happy I wasn't in public!)  Anyway, I awoke Mike along the lines of "Oh My Gosh! Oh My Gosh! OH MY GOSH!"  Him in his groggy state is asking me what is wrong, but I couldn't stop saying "Oh My Gosh" long enough to tell him what was happening...  I got out I think my water broke, he took one look and agreed and I fled to the bathroom.  Where I proceeded to stay while giving him intructions on what we needed to still pack and get into the car.  Gotta love boys, I asked him to grab my slippers and he asked me which ones? My gray slip on flats or a pair of clogs? Um neither. I want slippers, the fuzzy ones right there... but he did good on all the other stuff...
We woke up my sister on the way out the door and made it to the hospital around 5:15 AM.  Not a lot of traffic that time of the morning, so a very easy ride in.  Anyway, back at the hospital we get checked in and checked by triage and sure enough contractions had started (I couldn't feel them) and I was dialated to 2-3 cm.  Yup Baby Gill is on the way!  We get moved to a Labor and Delivery room, where we've been patiently awaiting her arrival.  Of course, somewhere in the haze of events everyone in our families were notified...
They started me on Pitocin pretty early to try to get things really rolling, but have had a hard time finding the right medium for dosage.  They were slowly increasing it when my body was also trying to do it naturally, so they backed it off to nearly nothing, and now we're on the increase again...
I've had an epidural put in.  So I have feeling and movement in my legs, but really can't feel any contractions.  I allowed a student to place my epi, which made me nervous, but I think she did a good job, just say a little prayer it stays like that... having something in my spine makes me nervous enough already... Here's hoping for no side effects!  And the experience of having it placed, not fun.  I'm still swollen, which includes my back, so that was interesting, and the "dull pressure" is more like "lots of pressure you can feel".  But the end result, awesome!  Definately recommend if you're on the fence.
Ok so onto the stats, we are currently 70% effaced and dialated to 6 cm... Still could be awhile before she comes, but we're making progress.  In some ways I'm thankful she's 2 weeks early, it means I can (hopefully) avoid a c-section (yay!)
I don't know that I'll be updating much for the rest of the day, but there's an update straight from Baptist Hospital.  Keep us in your thoughts and prayers!!!
Come on baby girl!  We can't wait to meet you and love you so much already!!!

Maternity Leave

Yesterday I did a post on some of our pregnancy photos from this past weekend.  I'm sure you all noticed how puffy I looked in them. While I know this is common for late pregnancy, I have been more swollen and puffy than normal.  In the week between appointments I put on 10lbs.  (I can't believe I just put that out on the internet...) My doctor came into the exam room took one look at me, asked if I was still working, I said yes, and he said I was done.  Most of that wieght gain is fluid and with her being big and pressing on everything, I needed to be laying down resting more.  He didn't want me going back Wednesday, but I think he could tell that I would go regardless, so he said I could go Wednesday, but not after that.  It came as a total shock to us, I thought I still had a couple of weeks left to finish up some stuff.  All of this was made even more complicated by the fact that the temp who is filling in for me was sick and therefore didn't start until Wednesday. So my last day was her first.

Needless to say Wednesday was crazy at work. I apologized the temp, and then threw her into the deepend.  Luckily she seemed to swim instead of sink, so that makes me feel a bit better.  There was just so much I didn't get to go over with her... Add to that my boss was out of town and didn't come back to the office until today.  And it's added up to be a stressful week. 

So back to Wednesday, my wonderful awesome amazing co-workers put together a baby shower for us.  If I get a copy of the pictures, I'll be sure to write a post about that.  Our office has never looked better.  It was heartwarming to see the effort they put into this event.  I truely feel loved by the people I work with, who I consider more friends than co-workers.  They were so so soooo generous to us!

After the shower, we had to quickly load up the cars, I finished a few last minute projects and we went straight to our birthing class.  Are you tired yet? Because going through it all again is making me tired.  Needless to say, by the time I got home Wednesday I think I was about as miserable as I've been.   I went straight to bed without passing go or collecting $200.  Everything was swollen, everything hurt, and I was just plain done.

So now I am officially on maternity leave.  It's wierd.  I got up yesterday and worked for about 5 hours on some stuff I took with me, before I realized that I was doing the exact same thing I do at work and when my feet hurt to bend and tingle when I stood, I realized I needed to stop and rest.  After all, that is the point of being on leave. So I layed down the rest of the night and after sleeping I've noticed that the swelling has gone down some, but it's still ready to pile up.  I had plans of going to the office today, but since I'm starting to recover I don't want to push it, so I'll wait till Monday.  This late pregnancy stuff is no joke!  I'm still shocked by it because it was so easy up to this point.  Oh well, just gotta keep reminding myself that it's worth it and she'll be here within the next couple weeks.

On an up note, because I've had time to just rest, I've been feeling baby girl a lot.  Now when I touch her I can feel little body parts like feet and legs.  It's pretty awesome!  Plus now I know she's doing good in there.  Before I got so busy that I wouldn't always pay attention to her moving and then panic because I thought she hadn't moved in awhile.  So we're doing good. Just resting up for the big day whenever it comes.  But that is my long drawn out description of Wednesday and why I am now on leave instead of pulling my wieght at work (I don't have a guilty conscience or anything...)  I have a fun post in mind for my next blog. I don't know if I'll get to write it tomorrow though, because we'll be busy celebrating Haley turning 12 (I can't believe she's the same 7 year old I met four and a half years ago!)  Have a great weekend everyone!

Pregnancy Photo Teaser

This past weekend Mike and I had some pregnancy photo's taken by a friend of ours, Brian Terry.  He did a fantastic job and was nice enough to send me a few teaser pictures.  I've gotten his permission to share a couple with you!  Now I have to say, if I'm being honest, I didn't realize at the time just how puffy and pregnant I look at this stage.  I mean I know we're full term, but it still caught me a little off guard.  I wanted documentation of this time in our lives, so I'm trying to not dwell on how I look.  And the pictures really did turn out great ~ I can't wait to see the rest!  But here are a couple that he shared with me this morning:

Photographer: Brian Terry

Photographer: Brian Terry

Photographer: Brian Terry

This last photo I'm going to share is my favorite of the group.  I just love how it turned out!  If you are interested in Brian doing some photo's of you, let me know and I'll put you in contact with him.  He's really easy to work with and as you can see, he gets some great shots!  I really can't wait to see the rest of the pictures!!!

Photographer: Brian Terry

I have been put on maternity leave early by my doctor (more on that later...), so check back often for more updates.  I have a feeling I'll be posting a lot more regularly until the baby gets here!  Thanks again Brian for coming out and taking photo's of us!

Coming Home Outfit

I wish I was better at posting on here!!! I have several blogs swirling around my head that I've never taken the time to sit down and write.  So in trying to be slightly better, I'm forging ahead with another post.  I have finally taken the time to take some pictures of her coming home outfit.  A while back, probably in September or October I decided that I wanted to make something for our baby girl to come home in.  The coming home outfit is important because it's the first time we get to dress her and it's what she'll wear in her first forray into the world.

I should let you all know that we are surrounded by many talented, creative people who are are all anxious to make something for our little one.  I knew I wouldn't have to do much to get a one of a kind handmade outfit.  My mom sews, Mike's mom, both my sisters, and several others are handy with a crochet hook and knitting needles.  But then so am I!  I took up crocheting probably 10 years ago, so while I'm no expert, I'm certainly capable of making something for my little girl.  Most of what I've created, up to this point, have been afghan's, hats, scarves, beanies, and a few various other things.... but I really wanted to do something different.  After all, this is my first baby and she deserves something special from her momma.

So I hit up a few local craft stores and found a pattern I thought I could pull off.  I've never made clothing, or booties, but what the heck, I was feeling ambitious.  I got all of my supplies together and set to work.  It took me about 3 days to complete this outfit.  (3 days of working on it, after work in the evenings and whatnot)  Anyways here it is:

Now I need to give credit where credit is due.  I made the outfit, Mike's mom made the baby afghan and gave it to us for Christmas.  But what better backdrop for these pictures than her crafty work!?  Anyways, this is the first sweater and booties I've ever attempted and I have to say that I'm pleased with how they came out.  I was really worried when I first completed this set that it would be too big for her, but as we all know, she's a big baby so I think it'll work just fine!!  I've made beanies before, so this one was fairly easy, it was just on a smaller scale.  Here are some closer shots the individual pieces:

So there it is ~ a part of our little girls coming home outfit.  I'm not sure yet what she will wear underneath the sweater, but I'm pretty sure my mom has something up her sleeve that will be perfect!  I have a feeling that every part of her coming home outfit and accessories will be special and unique made by the people who love her already!  The afghan will also be making the trip to the hospital.  Here's a closeup of it and some of the details:

Thanks for stopping by and checking in on us!   I really am going to try to get some of these blogs out of my head and onto paper er computer, whatever!!!

Baby Update

So I just wrote a somewhat boring post about our birth plan.  But what I'm sure all of your want to know is how the baby is doing... So here's an update from our appointment this past Tuesday.

Right now, we are officially 3 days from being considered full term (37 weeks).  But Tuesday, they did another growth ultrasound on her to see how big she's grown in the past 4 weeks.  Can you guess how big she is/was?  I've given you some context clues in my past blog about her weight... No.... No guesses...?  Well let's just say that the ultrasound tech called her "big boned, petite".  She was making small talk while she was measuring her femur (thigh bone) and said that some babies are really long and that's what makes them so large.  Ok, nothing wrong with that, I'm fairly long... Then she measured the circumference of her head and her talking of being long kinda dwindled as she has a big head too...  Any guesses yet?!...  No? So she got her measurements together and pulled up the same chart that showed our baby teetering on the upper line last time.  Well now, she was way up in the clouds...  Am I peeking your curiosity at all?  I know Mike is better at the humorous and entertaining posts, but I'm trying here people!  Anyways our sweet little girl is...

8 lbs!! 

Yup that's right!  Well she was 8lbs on Tuesday, so I'm sure she's grown since then.  And yes, we had (4) weeks to go until her due date.  Healthy little girl in there. 

Fun ultrasound stuff: This time on the ultrasound we got to see her practicing breathing, we could see her little diaphragm working hard to prepare her for the real deal.  We saw her little face for a fraction of a minute, but then we couldn't get a good shot for a picture (bummer!).  But it did look like she has Mike's nose.  And lastly we got to see that she has some hair on her head.  Well, really all we saw was hair on the back of her head.  With the shadows and the way she was facing we could only see the bottom of the back of her head.  Hopefully it goes all the way up, otherwise she'll look like a little old man when she's born...  While this would not be my preference, if she happens to just have an old man's ring of hair I'll there for her, I'll buy her lots of cute hats and beenies off etsy.  I'm a hat girl, she can be too!!  Oh!  and she had a full belly from breakfast (in case you wanted to know).  It's always fun to see our little girl, I can't wait until she gets here and I get to see her little face for real!!!

So then we checked in with doctor.  He's officially deemed us "Short Timers" and we'll be going to see him once a week from here on out.  He'll also be checking labor progress from now on.  As of Tuesday, I was no where near close to having her.  She is still safely locked up in my uterus.  She's big, but she's not ready yet.  He did want to make us aware that it may come down to a C-Section.  He wasn't trying to scare us, but he wanted us to be aware that the bigger she gets, the more it's a possibility.  In his words, "it's better than a path of destruction on her way out".  When you put it like that, I can get okay with the thought of a C-Section.  I think it's really put the pressure on Mike though, I'm pretty sure he's convinced we won't be going until the 20th.  He told me the other night that I might get sick of him, because he feels the need to be close to me right now (As if I would ever complain about that!)  So I think he's getting into "go" mode.

Other than that, I'm trying to get us ready.  My temporary replacement for my maternity leave starts Monday for training.  I'm getting all of our paperwork filled out and ready, and making sure we have our bag packed.  (It only has a few things in it right now...)  Oh!  But I did put together our "comfort bag" because we needed it for our birthing class Wednesday.  And, Um, I was trying to look all together so I got some of the stuff suggested (rather than an empty bag with the one massage tool I won in Sicily for taking the best care of my electronic baby, (irony), which is all we had previously)  Anyway, I attempted to make one of those rice sock thingy's.  Well, I made the rice sock just fine, but we were told to have something for all senses (touch, site, smell, taste, sound) so I added some lavender vanilla essential oil.  And um, yeah it stinks (I think I used too much), and the worst part is, it's been sitting in that zipped bag since Wednesday, so I'm pretty sure all the other stuff in there will smell now too... whoops!!!

So there you go, that's been our week in nutshell when it comes to baby Gill.  And no, we still don't have a name so don't ask ;-).

P.S.  I lied, there is one more thing I want to share.  This is going to sound horrible, but I'm going to put it out there anyway... our baby already prefers Mike.  Any time he talks to her or touches her, she responds almost instantly.  I can talk to her and touch her and get nothing half the time...  What's a mom gotta do to get some love around here!?  Haha