I Hope I Never Forget... 3 Months

Sarah,
You're 3 months old today!  I hope I never forget...

• How happy you are when you wake up!  You're very "smiley" when you first wake up.
• Your strength!  You already keep your head level with your body when being pulled to sitting, and often want to continue on to standing.  Happily standing there talking to us while looking around the room.
• The way you love deep voices.  You smile and are genuinely happy when Daddy, Papa, or Muncle Toddy talk to you
• How you squeal and coo at random times.  I think it's just to let us know you're happy :D
• How you "talk" to me everyday when I pick you up. You tell me about all about your day, complete with faces from times when you weren't happy.
• How hard you're working to figure out your hands.  You'll stare at a toy and can get your hand to it every time, but are still figuring out how to wrap your tiny little fingers around it.
• The sweet "huh huh" noise you make followed by a big sigh right before you fall asleep.  I take it as "I love you", and I always respond with "I love you too" (This really is one of my favorite memories at this stage)
• How you really did fit into size 3-6 months, and size 1-2 diapers.  You can still wear both, but we're putting you into size 2 now.
• The way you absolutely love your big sister.  You look for her when you hear her voice and smile every time she plays with you!
• How fast you are growing and changing.  Your hair is now filling in everywhere and getting slightly darker than your white blond newborn hair
• Your cute belly button hernia which makes it look like you have an "outtie"
• How you hate, hate, HATE tummy time.  It breaks both mommy and daddy's heart to make you do it, but we have to for you to get strong!
• That your crying sounds like talking.  You'll stop crying the second you realize we know what the problem is and will whimper just enough for us to know the issue is still present without crying.
• The way your stick that bottom lip out when pouting.  It's the cutest thing!
• How completely in love you are with any moving mobile.  You are happy as a clam laying there watching the hearts and flowers (swing), jungle animals (changing table) or bugs and butterfly's (Gammy's house) go round and round.  You smile like you're the luckiest baby on earth to have something so special.
• You sleep right through crowds and loud area's often with the back of your hand pressed to your forehead, but the second it gets silent or too quiet, you wake up.
• That you NEED skin for comfort.  To have your head against a chest or cheek is your favorite, but will happily settle for a hand if that's all that's available.
• How you grab a hold of shirt collars when falling asleep as if you never want to part from the person holding you.
• The way you think you're invisible when your eating.  When you do make eye contact your eyes get really big like you've been discovered.  It's so funny!
• How you love to play naked for a few minutes after bath time.  You wiggle, smile, and coo until I make you get dressed.
• How you're a night owl like me and daddy.  You stay awake until 11 pm and won't wake up until around 8-8:30 am, usually just for a diaper change and quick meal before sleeping until 10:30-11.
• The way your pat your belly/chest or my hand when your eating
• How you want to see everything and have a hard time settling when there's too much for you to focus on.
• Your awesome baby smell.
• The way you love to kick your legs, especially the left one!

But mostly, baby girl, I hope I never forget to note these things that make you uniquely you.  I love you sooo much and am having so much fun rediscovering the world through your eyes.  I'm incredibly proud to be your mommy!! All my love on your 3 month birthday!

~Mommy

Some pictures of you:

Waking up happy

Sweet Sweet Sarah

How do I work these fingers!?

Hey big sister Haley!

I love your deep voice daddy!

I'm 3 months today!

Newborn Photo's

Wow!  I am so far behind in blogging it's not even funny!!  So many pregnancy blogs that didn't get written, so many newborn posts that didn't get written... Yikes!  Well anyway, here is one post that I can easily do because it doesn't require much thought...

Newborn Photo's!!!

When Sarah was about 2.5 weeks old we took her to get her newborn photo's done.  I can remember freaking out at that point because we'd waited so long and I was concerned that she was getting too big and wouldn't look "newbornish".  For some odd reason, the hospital didn't do any newborn shots of her, so we don't have the hospital puffy faced photo that every baby gets... It blows my brain how quickly she is growing and changing!!!  This Saturday I hope to get her 3 month photo's done.  I have all these idea's for pictures, but I think they may have to wait until 6 months when I can better plan them.  The 3 month shots may be simplified to what I need in order to do her 1st year time line.  Since I'm not good at documentation & photographing, I'm trying my darndest to get the NB, 3M, 6M, 9M, 12M.

Anyways... Here are a few shots from her Newborn Photo Shoot!

One of everyone's favorites!

Cradled in Mommy & Daddy's Hands

Remember this outfit for her coming home!?!

My little flapper baby!

One of my favorites!

These are just a sampling of the photo's we had taken.  There were mulitple shots in all of these outfits or settings, but these are some of our favorites that we didn't order prints. Hmm... you know I took these from my facebook, but there are some missing that I wanted to be a surprise for some family members.  I'll have to do another post with those shots and their stories.  (I will try to remember to actually write it!)  But for now enjoy!!!

Praying for Poop

Yes, you read that title correct!  We have been dealing with some tummy troubles with Sarah for about 2 weeks now.  We've taken her to the doctor numerous times, first it was for acid reflux, then we had to take her because she had it coming out both ends, and not in a good healthy way.  Now we have to take her back because nothing has come out of either end since Saturday morning... Poor little thing, she has no idea what's going on, and really neither do we!

For the reflux, they had us try medicine, then probiotics, then formula change.  The formula change happened right around the time of the stomach bug she caught (if it was a stomach bug, the doctor that day waffled on us the whole time as to what was going on)... so we had to put her on a different formula and give her pedialite. Now she's over that, and this formula seems be ok on her reflux, but it's not moving through her system well... *sigh.  I called the pediatrician yesterday and they had us give her some baby apple prune juice.  Well it didn't work, nor did taking her temperature.  I just want my poor baby to feel better and be functioning.  We'll be seeing her doctor at 2:00 today.

This whole post is probably TMI, but it is our life as of late.  So yes, even though we might complain about diaper explosions, they are welcomed back if they want to make an appearance.  (Which I'm sure is exactly what we'll get when things start moving).  Until then, Mike and I are praying for poop and would appreciate it if you would pray for poop with us!

On an up note, Sarah slept for 6.5 hours night before last, and 7 hours ltst night. Sweet!

And here's a cute picture of Sarah after one of her bathy baths with Auntie Bethany!

Official Mommy Card Earned

I think I just earned my official mommy card.  This week has been "trying" if that's the right word.  Here's a list of things I think you have to experience to earn the title of "mom" or "dad"

1. Several sleepless nights in a row
2. A fussy/inconsolable child for several hours
3. Being thrown up on at close range.
4. Changing you and baby and getting thrown up on again
5. The most massive overflowing poopy diaper
6. Cleaning the clothes/blankets/sheets/people from said poopy diaper.
7. Being pee'd on
8.

Ok, I have to stop right here for a laughing break! This post was inspired by the massive blow out diaper we (I) just cleaned up.  Seriously. How does someone so small and sweet produce so much poo? I'm better at dealing with the grossness than Mike, so I handled the mess once I heard the gagging and exclamations of Mike from the other room.  I cleaned up Sarah first and handed her off to Mike.  Then, I started on the clothes, blankets, and sheets.  No sooner had I got those into the wash and sat down to write this post, than Sarah projectile vomits all over herself, Mike, and the sofa.  Again, I clean the sofa, take Sarah and clean her up while Mike cleans himself.  I sit down with her to soothe her and am patting her back when round 2 of the vomit strikes.  This time it didn't really get on her, just me, so I handed her off to clean myself.... And yes, at that point I just started laughing. Why? Because, this is it.  This is life with a baby! And I wouldn't change a thing.  Sure, it's gross and downright discusting at times.  But when my 5 week old looks at me dead in the eye and smiles with her whole face, it's all the reward I need.

So I'm sure we're headed into another sleepless night because Sarah likes to have a fussy party between 12:30-6:00am. But when she (finally) exhausts herself and falls asleep in my arms to my off pitched wrong lyric lullaby and squeezes my fingers so tight willing me not put her down, it makes my heart grow.  I love her, and she's worth it.  So friends and family, it's not that we don't want to see you, it's that we're passed out in the last grungy t shirt we own praying that the noises we hear from Sarah are just dreams and not her waking up.  And also praying that one of us remembered to clean and sanatize her bottles and pre-measure her formula for the next round when she wakes up.  Yup, it's time for me to get back to the fussy lady as Mike is standing over me singing that he's out of idea's (we take turns trying to do whatever we can think of... what can I say? Team work!)

Hospital Adventures

So as promised I wanted to write a post about our adventures in the hospital.  Most notable of our stint there was when I had my first true mommy moment.  We had the option of having our sweet baby room in with us, an option we gladlytook after a couple hours rest that first night.  The only time she wasn't in our room was for an hour every morning when her pediatrician came to asses her and she was taken to the nursery.

During our stay, we found out that Sarah and I have different blood types.  Because of this, it gave her blood a quality that made her more susceptible to yellow jaundice.  Yellow jaundice is measured by a blood test that checks bilirubin levels.  When she was tested, she did have elevated levels.  So they said they were going to keep an eye on it, and if it got higher, they'd have to give her light therapy.  Well, guess who's levels kept creeping up?  Yup, you guessed it, our sweet baby...

The blow came Monday night.   Mike had just stepped out to return some phone calls and grab a bite to eat, so it was just me and lil bit in the room.  Her nurse came in and said her levels had risen again and her pediatrician wanted her to go on the bilirubin table.  Being the naive first time mommy that I am, I said ok, how long will that take, an hour?  That's when I got the sympathetic look from the nurse who gently told me no, that meant she'd be on the table for the next 24 hours, except for 30 minutes every 3 hours to feed.  Talk about a blow.  A million thoughts ran through my head at that moment and I started crying as it sank in.  The nurse, being nice, said she'd go get things set up and give us a minute before taking her.
I immediately sent Mike a text saying to come back to the room ASAP.  I sat there holding my sweet baby girl crying as I tried to make sense of my thoughts.  I don't know how to describe the feeling at that point, so I'll just write out a list of all the thoughts and emotions:

1. First and foremost I want to do what's best for Sarah, which meant obviously giving her the treatment she needed to be healthy.
2. But how am I going to be away from her for 24 hours?
3. I'm supposed to be discharged tomorrow...
4. I'm not leaving this hospital without her.  I'm not.
5. My poor sweet girl, I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and that I gave your blood this quality.
6. Where is Mike?
7. I love you so much...
8. Our feedings take at least an hour right now... how are we gonna get that down to thirty minutes?
9. How selfish am I being?  I know she needs this, but I need her...
10. I'm so scared to have her that far away from me.
11. I don't want her to go....

And yes that whole time I am clutching her, rocking crying.  All I could do was tell her how much I love her and that I wouldn't leave her.  She looked so tiny and helpless and I felt like I'd failed her already. Twice.  (Nursing issues, I'll get into that in another post). Mike finally got back (I'm sure he wasn't gone that long, but it felt like it). I could barely tell him what as going on, I did get out the main points though.  The 3 of us sat there together for awhile.  To me, it felt like we were waiting for a death sentence... (Maybe I was a bit hormonal looking back, but at the time I felt like a mom that had to hand over her newborn to a stranger).  I did let Mike hold her for a bit because I knew he was going to miss her too, but I was right there stroking her face and kissing her.

The nurse came back and said we could feed her again before they took her, which bought us a little more time.  She also explained, that there were two options to keep us in the hospital together, one would be to keep me there (I did have a c section after all) another would be to discharge me, but admit Sarah, so it would be her room with us there as "visitors".  She also told us that we were welcome to come visit her and talk to her, hold her hand etc.  And luckily the nursery was right across the hall.  All of this helped ease my mind and made the situation slightly better. So we fed her and they took her to her treatment.

She'd been gone maybe 30 min before I convinced mike to go for a walk with me just to make sure she was okay.  Big mistake.  No sooner had we got in ear shot and I could hear her crying.  She was screaming and her poor little hands kept trying to take the eye protection off and my heart broke.  Here was my sweet little 3 day old feeling like she'd been abandoned. I talked to her and held her hand and she calmed down a little, but the second I stopped she started screaming again.  There were several nurses there and they seemed completely oblivious to her.  This was not the reassurance I was desperately seeking...  Mike eventually convinced me she'd be fine and we went back to the room.  It is so hard to fight your instincts to scoop her up and make everything better, with what you know she needs to be healthy.  This is the moment when I felt like I was a true "mommy".  I loved her so much and wanted only what was best for her even if it meant leaving her crying in the nursery.

Back in the room, I spent the next 30-45 min crying and giving Mike every argument my brain could come up with on why I needed to go get her.  He, of course, wouldn't let me and did his best to make things better. From then on, I sent him to check on her, my heart just couldn't take seeing her upset and being unable to fix it.  I did, however, do everything I could to make those 30 min feedings the best they could be and we held her for every second until the nurse told us she had to take her back.  The nurse did tell me she did better during the next session when they had her on her belly.  That made me feel a bit better.

Luckily, it didn't take 24 hours to get her levels back in the safe zone.  At 6 PM we got word that she was cleared to go home and we could all leave together.  And that was it.  Literally. No hype or instructions, just your free to take her when your ready.  So Mike packed up the bags and took them to the car while I dressed her to go home.  Of course, he also took all her supplies with him. In true baby form, she had a blow out poopy diaper, so I had to go to the nurse station and beg for another diaper. Then she spit up. Finally, I got her clean and changed and into the car seat.  We told the nurse we were ready and one of them walked us out and we left.  There was no ceremony or instructions, just "have a nice night ~ congratulations".

I think I made to the exit of the car garage before I was in tears (again).  I couldn't believe they trusted us to take care of this tiny little baby.  I'm a first timer. I don't know what I'm doing! Sure, I've babysat, but that is not the same thing!  My facebook post was a lot more positive then I actually felt at the time. Pure fear!  I sent a text to my mom asking if the hospital was crazy for letting us take her.  She just laughed and said we'd be fine.  Mike also spent a lot of our car ride easing my mind.  I remember him asking if I loved her, and I said of course... To which he said "Well no one is going to take better care of her than us, because I know we'll do everything to make sure she's happy and healthy.  We can do this.  I know YOU can do this".  A quick stop at the store to get formula and diapers/wipes and we were home.  I don't think we slept a wink that first night. I was not ready to not have a team of nurses round the clock.  I was so paranoid that something would happen if I wasn't looking at her.  But we made it.  Until next time :-)

 

The Birth Story Part 2

Wow!!  So how ashamed am I that I haven't taken the time to write the second part of our birth story... So sorry blog readers!  So at last check we were in labor waiting to be fully dilated and effaced. Well it was more of the same until about 5:30 PM when I was finally cleared to start pushing.  Random, but true, the epidural is an interesting beast.  I had feeling in my legs and was able to maneuvering myself fairly efficiently into different positions while not being able to feel contractions. This gave a false sense of energy.  I had no idea just how tired I was after 13 hours of labour.
 
So pushing was exhausting!  After the first two contractions I pushed on, I asked for the epidural to be turned way down so I could feel how effective I was being and adjust accordingly.  That helped but also brought on some very violent dry heaving.  Worst part of the pushing experience for me.  In between contractions, I spent my time desperately trying to do anything that would stop the need to throw up.  (Again, TMI, but I am being honest here).  After an hour of pushing, the nurse and doctor determined that she was presenting head up and could not navigate my pelvis.  She was stuck trying to navigate my pelvis (she made it in, and couldn't get out).  The doctor confirmed that she was a big baby and determined that we should go ahead with a c-section, rather than trying to force something that wasn't going to happen.

A whirlwind of activity happened at that point. A team of a million people came through doing various things and introducing themselves to me (As if I would ever be able to remember any of their names).  And yes that thought went through my head, with each new name and face I thought, ok, I'm not going to remember that so why bother trying.  You can't blame them though, it was polite.  Um, some random thoughts from that time, first I wasn't sure the epidural would be enough for surgery as I still had lots of feeling up until I was in the operating room (Can you feel this? Yes!).  By the time they put enough drugs in me, it was sheer will power not to just go to sleep.  The only thought keeping me semi-conscience was the thought that I was NOT going to miss her birth.  I'd come so far, if I missed it at that point I would have been devastated. Also, they almost forgot to go get mike after I was set up in the room, I think I asked for him before they remembered he was outside waiting. I needed some kind of comfort.

So the sheet was up and Mike was holding my hand and they told me they were starting.  10 minutes later I heard her melodic cry and started crying myself. I kept asking Mike if he could see her and what did she look like.  And he said he could see her and she was beautiful.  The first look I got of her was when she was on the table being warmed and cleaned. I swear she looked right at me.  Mike was able to go over and take pictures and video of her.  So he has video of that part, I'll see if I can upload it here at some point.

Once she was wrapped and weighed (7lbs, 12.5 oz - 20.8 inches) Mike brought her over and they put her on my chest.  She was so perfect and alert. I was able to have a hand free to touch her face.  I couldn't believe this was the little baby I'd spent the past 10 months with.  At this point things got a little hazy for me... I remember calling for Mike to come get the baby because I felt like I couldn't breathe. And didn't trust myself to hold her.  It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.  I went through the motions of deliberately breathing, but I still felt like I wasn't getting oxygen.  I wanted to sit up and cough, but knew that was impossible, as they were still working on me.  I was also congested from the crying over seeing her for the first time, so the last part of surgery were really rough for me.  They finished my sutures and elevated my head a little... relief was on the way...

Back in recovery, they kept asking if I wanted to hold her, and I knew I physically couldn't manage it at that point. So after a little bit I was strong enough to hold her and I finally had her in my arms...  In the pictures from this time, you can tell I'm exhausted and I think I look terrible, but they do tell the story of our night.

Um, also in recovery, the nurse had to keep pushing on my stomach/uterus to make sure it was contracting down.  That was the most excruciating part!  I literally felt like I was being ripped apart.  I apologized to the nurse, because while I knew it was her job, but it also made me not like her at all!  Just the memory is making me cringe right now.

We were moved to a post partum room, and we made the choice to send the baby to the nursery for awhile. I made it clear that I wanted to nurse her and to not put anything in her mouth, but I needed a few hours rest. I could barely see straight.  It broke my heart to send her to the nursery, but I also knew I would not be physically able to help her without sleep. Yes, I was at that point.  So that concludes our birth story. I'll try to write another post about our adventures in the hospital, cause there were a few, but that is for another time.  Plus sweet baby is waking up now and needs my attention!  I'll leave you with a picture from the operating room and a couple from recovery:



One of Sarah's 1st Pictures


Us in recovery


Sarah and I when I could finally hold her!

Live From The Hospital

We interrupt your regular scheduled blog to bring you a breaking news story... We're having a baby!  That's right ladies and gentlemen, sometime in the near(ish) future Baby Gill will make her grand appearance.  Shocking I know! And how am I able to bring you this exciting news update? Because I am in a waiting/holding pattern right now...
Here's the scoop:
Last night around 4:25 I awoke to my water breaking.  Let me just say, gush of water my butt!!  More like the Ocoee River.  Raging Rapids of water that haven't seemed to fully stop. TMI?  Yeah, for me too!  But if you want to know the truth about spontanious water breakage, there you go.  (So happy I wasn't in public!)  Anyway, I awoke Mike along the lines of "Oh My Gosh! Oh My Gosh! OH MY GOSH!"  Him in his groggy state is asking me what is wrong, but I couldn't stop saying "Oh My Gosh" long enough to tell him what was happening...  I got out I think my water broke, he took one look and agreed and I fled to the bathroom.  Where I proceeded to stay while giving him intructions on what we needed to still pack and get into the car.  Gotta love boys, I asked him to grab my slippers and he asked me which ones? My gray slip on flats or a pair of clogs? Um neither. I want slippers, the fuzzy ones right there... but he did good on all the other stuff...
We woke up my sister on the way out the door and made it to the hospital around 5:15 AM.  Not a lot of traffic that time of the morning, so a very easy ride in.  Anyway, back at the hospital we get checked in and checked by triage and sure enough contractions had started (I couldn't feel them) and I was dialated to 2-3 cm.  Yup Baby Gill is on the way!  We get moved to a Labor and Delivery room, where we've been patiently awaiting her arrival.  Of course, somewhere in the haze of events everyone in our families were notified...
They started me on Pitocin pretty early to try to get things really rolling, but have had a hard time finding the right medium for dosage.  They were slowly increasing it when my body was also trying to do it naturally, so they backed it off to nearly nothing, and now we're on the increase again...
I've had an epidural put in.  So I have feeling and movement in my legs, but really can't feel any contractions.  I allowed a student to place my epi, which made me nervous, but I think she did a good job, just say a little prayer it stays like that... having something in my spine makes me nervous enough already... Here's hoping for no side effects!  And the experience of having it placed, not fun.  I'm still swollen, which includes my back, so that was interesting, and the "dull pressure" is more like "lots of pressure you can feel".  But the end result, awesome!  Definately recommend if you're on the fence.
Ok so onto the stats, we are currently 70% effaced and dialated to 6 cm... Still could be awhile before she comes, but we're making progress.  In some ways I'm thankful she's 2 weeks early, it means I can (hopefully) avoid a c-section (yay!)
I don't know that I'll be updating much for the rest of the day, but there's an update straight from Baptist Hospital.  Keep us in your thoughts and prayers!!!
Come on baby girl!  We can't wait to meet you and love you so much already!!!