Praying for Poop

Yes, you read that title correct!  We have been dealing with some tummy troubles with Sarah for about 2 weeks now.  We've taken her to the doctor numerous times, first it was for acid reflux, then we had to take her because she had it coming out both ends, and not in a good healthy way.  Now we have to take her back because nothing has come out of either end since Saturday morning... Poor little thing, she has no idea what's going on, and really neither do we!

For the reflux, they had us try medicine, then probiotics, then formula change.  The formula change happened right around the time of the stomach bug she caught (if it was a stomach bug, the doctor that day waffled on us the whole time as to what was going on)... so we had to put her on a different formula and give her pedialite. Now she's over that, and this formula seems be ok on her reflux, but it's not moving through her system well... *sigh.  I called the pediatrician yesterday and they had us give her some baby apple prune juice.  Well it didn't work, nor did taking her temperature.  I just want my poor baby to feel better and be functioning.  We'll be seeing her doctor at 2:00 today.

This whole post is probably TMI, but it is our life as of late.  So yes, even though we might complain about diaper explosions, they are welcomed back if they want to make an appearance.  (Which I'm sure is exactly what we'll get when things start moving).  Until then, Mike and I are praying for poop and would appreciate it if you would pray for poop with us!

On an up note, Sarah slept for 6.5 hours night before last, and 7 hours ltst night. Sweet!

And here's a cute picture of Sarah after one of her bathy baths with Auntie Bethany!

Official Mommy Card Earned

I think I just earned my official mommy card.  This week has been "trying" if that's the right word.  Here's a list of things I think you have to experience to earn the title of "mom" or "dad"

1. Several sleepless nights in a row
2. A fussy/inconsolable child for several hours
3. Being thrown up on at close range.
4. Changing you and baby and getting thrown up on again
5. The most massive overflowing poopy diaper
6. Cleaning the clothes/blankets/sheets/people from said poopy diaper.
7. Being pee'd on
8.

Ok, I have to stop right here for a laughing break! This post was inspired by the massive blow out diaper we (I) just cleaned up.  Seriously. How does someone so small and sweet produce so much poo? I'm better at dealing with the grossness than Mike, so I handled the mess once I heard the gagging and exclamations of Mike from the other room.  I cleaned up Sarah first and handed her off to Mike.  Then, I started on the clothes, blankets, and sheets.  No sooner had I got those into the wash and sat down to write this post, than Sarah projectile vomits all over herself, Mike, and the sofa.  Again, I clean the sofa, take Sarah and clean her up while Mike cleans himself.  I sit down with her to soothe her and am patting her back when round 2 of the vomit strikes.  This time it didn't really get on her, just me, so I handed her off to clean myself.... And yes, at that point I just started laughing. Why? Because, this is it.  This is life with a baby! And I wouldn't change a thing.  Sure, it's gross and downright discusting at times.  But when my 5 week old looks at me dead in the eye and smiles with her whole face, it's all the reward I need.

So I'm sure we're headed into another sleepless night because Sarah likes to have a fussy party between 12:30-6:00am. But when she (finally) exhausts herself and falls asleep in my arms to my off pitched wrong lyric lullaby and squeezes my fingers so tight willing me not put her down, it makes my heart grow.  I love her, and she's worth it.  So friends and family, it's not that we don't want to see you, it's that we're passed out in the last grungy t shirt we own praying that the noises we hear from Sarah are just dreams and not her waking up.  And also praying that one of us remembered to clean and sanatize her bottles and pre-measure her formula for the next round when she wakes up.  Yup, it's time for me to get back to the fussy lady as Mike is standing over me singing that he's out of idea's (we take turns trying to do whatever we can think of... what can I say? Team work!)

Hospital Adventures

So as promised I wanted to write a post about our adventures in the hospital.  Most notable of our stint there was when I had my first true mommy moment.  We had the option of having our sweet baby room in with us, an option we gladlytook after a couple hours rest that first night.  The only time she wasn't in our room was for an hour every morning when her pediatrician came to asses her and she was taken to the nursery.

During our stay, we found out that Sarah and I have different blood types.  Because of this, it gave her blood a quality that made her more susceptible to yellow jaundice.  Yellow jaundice is measured by a blood test that checks bilirubin levels.  When she was tested, she did have elevated levels.  So they said they were going to keep an eye on it, and if it got higher, they'd have to give her light therapy.  Well, guess who's levels kept creeping up?  Yup, you guessed it, our sweet baby...

The blow came Monday night.   Mike had just stepped out to return some phone calls and grab a bite to eat, so it was just me and lil bit in the room.  Her nurse came in and said her levels had risen again and her pediatrician wanted her to go on the bilirubin table.  Being the naive first time mommy that I am, I said ok, how long will that take, an hour?  That's when I got the sympathetic look from the nurse who gently told me no, that meant she'd be on the table for the next 24 hours, except for 30 minutes every 3 hours to feed.  Talk about a blow.  A million thoughts ran through my head at that moment and I started crying as it sank in.  The nurse, being nice, said she'd go get things set up and give us a minute before taking her.
I immediately sent Mike a text saying to come back to the room ASAP.  I sat there holding my sweet baby girl crying as I tried to make sense of my thoughts.  I don't know how to describe the feeling at that point, so I'll just write out a list of all the thoughts and emotions:

1. First and foremost I want to do what's best for Sarah, which meant obviously giving her the treatment she needed to be healthy.
2. But how am I going to be away from her for 24 hours?
3. I'm supposed to be discharged tomorrow...
4. I'm not leaving this hospital without her.  I'm not.
5. My poor sweet girl, I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and that I gave your blood this quality.
6. Where is Mike?
7. I love you so much...
8. Our feedings take at least an hour right now... how are we gonna get that down to thirty minutes?
9. How selfish am I being?  I know she needs this, but I need her...
10. I'm so scared to have her that far away from me.
11. I don't want her to go....

And yes that whole time I am clutching her, rocking crying.  All I could do was tell her how much I love her and that I wouldn't leave her.  She looked so tiny and helpless and I felt like I'd failed her already. Twice.  (Nursing issues, I'll get into that in another post). Mike finally got back (I'm sure he wasn't gone that long, but it felt like it). I could barely tell him what as going on, I did get out the main points though.  The 3 of us sat there together for awhile.  To me, it felt like we were waiting for a death sentence... (Maybe I was a bit hormonal looking back, but at the time I felt like a mom that had to hand over her newborn to a stranger).  I did let Mike hold her for a bit because I knew he was going to miss her too, but I was right there stroking her face and kissing her.

The nurse came back and said we could feed her again before they took her, which bought us a little more time.  She also explained, that there were two options to keep us in the hospital together, one would be to keep me there (I did have a c section after all) another would be to discharge me, but admit Sarah, so it would be her room with us there as "visitors".  She also told us that we were welcome to come visit her and talk to her, hold her hand etc.  And luckily the nursery was right across the hall.  All of this helped ease my mind and made the situation slightly better. So we fed her and they took her to her treatment.

She'd been gone maybe 30 min before I convinced mike to go for a walk with me just to make sure she was okay.  Big mistake.  No sooner had we got in ear shot and I could hear her crying.  She was screaming and her poor little hands kept trying to take the eye protection off and my heart broke.  Here was my sweet little 3 day old feeling like she'd been abandoned. I talked to her and held her hand and she calmed down a little, but the second I stopped she started screaming again.  There were several nurses there and they seemed completely oblivious to her.  This was not the reassurance I was desperately seeking...  Mike eventually convinced me she'd be fine and we went back to the room.  It is so hard to fight your instincts to scoop her up and make everything better, with what you know she needs to be healthy.  This is the moment when I felt like I was a true "mommy".  I loved her so much and wanted only what was best for her even if it meant leaving her crying in the nursery.

Back in the room, I spent the next 30-45 min crying and giving Mike every argument my brain could come up with on why I needed to go get her.  He, of course, wouldn't let me and did his best to make things better. From then on, I sent him to check on her, my heart just couldn't take seeing her upset and being unable to fix it.  I did, however, do everything I could to make those 30 min feedings the best they could be and we held her for every second until the nurse told us she had to take her back.  The nurse did tell me she did better during the next session when they had her on her belly.  That made me feel a bit better.

Luckily, it didn't take 24 hours to get her levels back in the safe zone.  At 6 PM we got word that she was cleared to go home and we could all leave together.  And that was it.  Literally. No hype or instructions, just your free to take her when your ready.  So Mike packed up the bags and took them to the car while I dressed her to go home.  Of course, he also took all her supplies with him. In true baby form, she had a blow out poopy diaper, so I had to go to the nurse station and beg for another diaper. Then she spit up. Finally, I got her clean and changed and into the car seat.  We told the nurse we were ready and one of them walked us out and we left.  There was no ceremony or instructions, just "have a nice night ~ congratulations".

I think I made to the exit of the car garage before I was in tears (again).  I couldn't believe they trusted us to take care of this tiny little baby.  I'm a first timer. I don't know what I'm doing! Sure, I've babysat, but that is not the same thing!  My facebook post was a lot more positive then I actually felt at the time. Pure fear!  I sent a text to my mom asking if the hospital was crazy for letting us take her.  She just laughed and said we'd be fine.  Mike also spent a lot of our car ride easing my mind.  I remember him asking if I loved her, and I said of course... To which he said "Well no one is going to take better care of her than us, because I know we'll do everything to make sure she's happy and healthy.  We can do this.  I know YOU can do this".  A quick stop at the store to get formula and diapers/wipes and we were home.  I don't think we slept a wink that first night. I was not ready to not have a team of nurses round the clock.  I was so paranoid that something would happen if I wasn't looking at her.  But we made it.  Until next time :-)