My baby is how big?

**Warning this post contains pictures from inside of me**


So we just got back from the baby doctor.  We were scheduled to have an ultra sound today as my fundal height has been measuring about 4cm large.  I bet you can't guess how big our sweet baby girl is...  Let me preface this by saying the average fetus at this stage is around 3.75 lbs on average.  Babies are also putting on around a half a pound a week from here on out.  I'm letting you in on this information so you can grasp the surprise we were faced with today.

I've known that large babies run in our family forever.  My mom's children ranged from 8.5-10.8.  So I wasn't too surprised when he said that she may be a bit bigger, but wanted to check her weight anyway.  Leena, our ever sweet ultrasound tech, took us back to look at the little one. She was being somewhat active this morning, so we did get to see her doing some pretty cool stuff.  For awhile she was sucking on her hand and we could see her little tongue bobbing in and out.  Then she grabbed her toes and was double kicking me with her foot and hand together.  She also turned and looked at us to say hi. All in all there were very sweet moments realizing just how developed she is now.  I'm confident that (God forbid) anything were to happen where we'd have to deliver early, she'd be just fine.  She's already filling out into a newborn.

Chewing on hand

32 weeks hand and arm

32 weeks profile

This one is harder to see, but she's grabbing her foot with her hand



So now that the fun stuff was over, it was time to take the measurements.  They measured the circumference of her head and belly and few other parts to put together their best estimate.  We asked how accurate these measurements are, and she said usually within a half pound or less.  She then pulled up this graph that shows where average babies are and where we were currently sitting.  Curious yet as to how big our child is?  Because I was....

She is weighing in at a whopping 5.5 lbs already!  On the graph she was teetering right below the upper line.  Still "average" but really close to being larger than average.  If that won't make a new mom's mind spiral into scenarios about birthing a baby, I don't know what will... I have (up till this point) conveniently avoided thinking about having to birth a baby at all.  My mental blocks fell today as the reality hit that this child has to enter the world somehow. 

I'm somewhat nervous about sharing this information with the general public, as I'm scared it will inspire even more mothers with horror birth stories to share.  If you've had a large baby and have some horrifying tidbit to share, please don't.  I don't need any help coming up with stuff; and if I haven't imagined it, I don't need to now.

I am happy that our baby girl is healthy and I love her no matter what.  That hasn't changed, nothing really has except my perception of how this could go.  Our doctor said that it's nothing to freak out over.  It just means she'll likely be over 9lbs.  It may also mean an alternate birthing plan when it comes down to it, but we'll take that one contraction at a time when the time comes.  He said we should prepare ourselves to go a little earlier also.  There are still a lot of unknowns, but it adds to the adventure of having a baby.

So there's our update from today.  We have a healthy little girl in there (that was also confirmed again today).  She's looking good and is active as ever. 

Is It Time to Panic Yet?

Join me in my slightly panic'd mind:

There is a line from the TV show Friends that keeps running through my head...

"You're going to have a baby and you need to be prepared for it."

This year the holidays have been very unusual for me.  I am normally totally into Holiday's and like to decorate and get into the spirit of things.  But this year, it's as if my brain has switched off and is refusing to acknowledge the season has already approached and is nearly over now.  I've been trying to figure out why this is, and I think I've come to a conclusion...

Once the holiday's are over, there's nothing left to focus on except the imminent arrival of baby Gill.  I'm starting to get very nervous about having a baby.  And by having a baby, I don't mean the actual birth, I mean the responsibility and life altering changes I'm about to encounter.  I don't want to say that I'm intimidated by these changes, merely that it's a realm and a world that I can't comprehend right now.  And these thoughts make me apprehensive.  Nearly every parent I've encountered and had a conversation with has told me that there is nothing like raising a child to turn your world upside down.

I feel like I've lived my life in stages.  The first stage being "growing up".  The time when I was safe within my parents bubble and it felt like no harm could ever come to me as long as I was with them.  The second stage being "independence".  This is the stage that I'm currently in.  The time when you've left your parents bubble, faced the world head on and whether you sink or swim is up to you and you alone.  I'm comfortable in this stage because every decision I've made while in this stage only affects me.  If I succeed or fail miserably at something it's only myself that will have to deal with the consequences.  Not to say that I don't have family and friends that will share in those emotions, but you know what I mean.  It's my decision for my life and I am responsible for how I choose to live it.  I can jump into anything with both feet because they're my feet, I know my limitations, and I trust myself to be able to handle the outcome.

But now comes "parenthood"...  Complete and total responsibility for another human being.  I can't look at life the same way.  I will be responsible for creating that safe bubble for my child.  I will have to make all the decisions for this helpless little being until she matures enough to handle those decisions herself.  I know I have Mike to share in this responsibility, and we have a great support system.  But really, it's up to us.  Mike, being the self assured veteran at this, told me last night that I'm over thinking things.  He was being so sweet in trying to reassure me that everything will be fine, but he said something to me that I haven't been able to get out of my mind: "Being a parent is the one time in life that your opinion is fact". <--- (Scary!)   He went on to say that there are no perfect parents.  There are no right answers, and there's never going to be a report card for how your doing.  He said he knows how I work and that I can read all the books and articles I want, but no parent was good at it to begin with, and every one of them made mistakes.   I guess that's true, but it's still intimidating.  I want to be the best mom I can be, and I don't know how to prepare because I don't know what lies in our future.  Every baby is different and the world is constantly evolving, so there is no sure fire way to be ready.

I'm hoping these sentiments are normal and every new mommy to be goes through this.  It's just really starting to get real.  Two months until our due date.  That is not a lot of time considering yesterday was Thanksgiving and Halloween was last week.  My rational mind knows we'll be fine and it will be wonderful, but my insecure emotional mind is winning the battle right now.  Maybe it's just the holidays and everyone reminding me that the next time they see me I'll have had the baby...

Me with a baby.  I've got to get used to that thought...


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In other news, we have started going to the doctor every two weeks.  During our next appointment, between Christmas and New Year's, I'll be getting another ultrasound to check the baby's size and position as I'm still measuring large.  Large babies run in my family, so I'm not too concerned about it, but keep us in your thoughts and prayers anyway.  Also, last week was the first time Mike and my sister could see the baby move just by looking at my stomach and that Bethany got to feel her.  (She's really shy when it comes to other people feeling her....)

Thanks for checking in with us ~ I'll try to be better at posting regularly :)

I Say We Just Name The Baby "Baby"

Recently, I've been feeling pretty intense pressure to start defining a list of names for the unborn bundle of joy we presently refer to as "baby Gill". Mostly because a thousand people have been coming up to us and asking, "What are you gonna name the baby??"

When I announce that I don't know and I don't yet have a list of possibles, they give me this befuddled look and accompany it with this tilt of their head that is similar to what a dog does when you make a noise it does not understand. "Well, shouldn't you be thinking of names?? It's only a couple of months away now."  Yes, I should be. But since this isn't a movie script and I don't need a working title until it's finished, I have ruled out spending hours laboring over baby names only to come up with one 5 months before she's born and subsequently having second thoughts and changing it a thousand times up until she's born.

I like to imagine that Jenni and the baby are growing a maternal bond right now and that, through this magical bond, one name will speak louder than the rest and at least give us a direction to go in. Plus I suck at picking baby names and I really just want her to do it. Don't tell her I said that. Shhh...

Right now, she's leaning towards Sadie. That's fine by me, but I have a feeling that's not going to be the final product. Why? Because it's freaking December and the baby isn't due until February 20th. Factor in that the decision will be made by a woman who is in the third trimester (and likely to become increasingly more fragile and hormonal with every passing day) and a man who would exceed his creative limitations by naming a dalmatian "Spot", and pretty much anything is fair game at this stage.

We are a somewhat indecisive team, Jenni and I. Picking out restaurants can be emotionally exhausting at times, for both of us. But I think that will make this both fun and interesting down the stretch.

The only part of this equation that sucks is that all these people are getting antsy and trying to squeeze a name out of me. I am not a mobster kingpin and this is not an interrogation room, people... I don't know who he works for or where the loot is hidden. If you try and beat it out of me, you're just gonna wind up with a mess and no answer.

This unrelenting questioning is starting from my own family first. I do understand why, though. Mom wants to get started on knitting things for the new grandbaby, and my siblings want their opportunity to Christmas shop with a name in mind. My friends and co-workers are probably just asking to make small talk when they see me, but I'm pretty certain they could care less. Still, it contributes to the volume of the same question-and-answer process.

So let this be a warning to you over-zealous little badgers... keep it up at this rate, and I'm gonna name the newborn "Baby".

What??

Yes, I said it. And if you know me, and if you know Jenni, you know that I could pull this off.

If it's one other thing we share, it's a wild sense of humor. I often thing that's the only thing we have in common and part of the only reason she's kept me around all these years. Which is fine by me. After all, if she was only just about my looks, she may have left me a while back when my hair started running away and my belt line start approaching a 36. I suppose as long as I don't become a manic depressive, I'll always have a fighting chance. :-)

Anyways...

I could totally convince her to name it Baby. And the whole world would be quite irritated. And I would smile.

I'd probably have to provide an "out clause", like promise that we would change it after a couple of months or something like that. But could you imagine what those couple months would be like? Totally amazing. At least from our perspective. 

I could watch all the strangers on the street or in the mall who come up and ask,"What's her name?" become totally horrified when I tell them "Just baby," and then pull out the matching birth certificate to prove it. Someone call MTV, this could be a reality show hit!

Plus, we could watch her features develop and then appropriate a name based on what she would look like. I think everyone, in their mind, has a certain look for names like Nancy, Ann, Heather, Brittney, etc. So maybe that could be a nice plus.

None of this is in line to happen as of yet... but keep it up with the full court press, and all this could be a possibility. So just hold your water, everybody. We're working on the problem and we'll get back to you soon.

Don't be that person who causes our child to have an ambiguous first name. :-D