Rules For Me, For My Daughter

Recently my sister sent me a link on facebook to this blog post about rules for Mothers and Daughters.  Needless to say, by the end I was in tears.  There is so much that I anticpate doing with my girl(s), and I thought, I need to do this.  I need to sit down and write out rules for us, or really rules for me.  And maybe one day when we're in the throws of adolesence, I'll need this reminder.  So here are my rules:

1.  Be Present.  Go to every event minor or major, just so she knows you're proud of her and her hard work.  Bake cookies or cupcakes for birthday's and eat lunch with her at school when she asks.  Chaperone field trips.  Always be available to her.

2.  Show her how to love.  Love her deeply and passionately with no restraint.  Show her that love, in it's purest form, is what living is about.  Let her fall in love with whoever she chooses and if she gets hurt, cry with her.  When she's ready, encourage her to love again.  Giggle and gush over the boy(s) she likes.

3.  Let life happen.  Throw the rule book out the window every now and then.  Desert for dinner, late bedtimes, and pink hair are okay.  Let her know rules are important, but so is living.

4.  Validate her opinion.  Let her discover who she is and not who anyone else wants her to be (including yourself).  Back her up.  Her voice and thoughts are important.  The way she thinks and processes things is perfect.  Even if it's different from you.

5.   Show her God.  Everywhere you go and everything you do, teach her to see the face of God.  Pray with her and for her daily.  Show her how to have faith and trust in things unseen.  Marvel at creation with her.

6.  Hold her hand.  Let her know your hand is always open to her.  Squeeze her hand when she needs support.  High five her when she's excited.  Stroke her hand softly when she's upset.  Always have a free hand to offer her.

7.  Talk to her and listen.  Share, share, share.  Share secrets, share dreams, share fears, share feelings.  Listen when she talks.  Let her know it's okay to tell you anything and everything.  Don't be scared of any topic.  It's your job to talk about anything with her.  Be her friend.

8.  Teach her.  Teach her all the things you know.  If you don't know, learn together.  Struggle through that tough test or subject with her.  Make flashcards and quiz games.   Teach her through living.   Always take the opportunity to teach when you can.  Share in her frustrations and set backs as well as her triumphs and excels.

9.  Be silly.  Laugh a lot.  Sing, dance, wiggle, tickle, imagine, play.  Be goofy and spontaneous.  Dress up.  Don't worry about what you look like.  Follow her imagination.

10.  Tell her she's beautiful.  Everyday.  Let her be a girly girl or a tomboy.  Either way, tell her she beautiful with sweat running down her face or dolled up for a date.  She is perfect the way she is.  Lift her up.  Tell her she's beautiful.

11.  Get messy.  Play in the rain, make mud pies, finger paint, mix food with your hands, use glitter.  Make memories. Don't worry about the clean up.  Live in the moment and get dirty.

12.  Share traditions.  Share both you and her fathers family traditions.  Share that secret recipe and do things the same way it's always been done.  Take pride in family and belonging.  Show her the family tree.  Share family secrets and stories.  Let her know she claimed and is a valuable member of your family.

13.  Teach her social skills.  Show her how to make small talk, look people in the eye, be kind to everyone, and be a friend.  Don't expect her just to know.

14.  Make her a fighter.  Show her when to stand up and when to walk away.  Teach her to pick battles.  Words are always better than fists, sometimes silence is better than words.  Teach her the differences.

15.  Kiss, Hug, Snuggle.  Never underestimate the power of showing of love and affection.  Don't be scared of physical contact.  We're all human and need these things.
 
16.  Be the safe harbor.  Let your home be the one place she can always come and feel safe.  Always give her a key.

17.  Teach her to be independent.  Let her choose her path, then teach her to stand on her own.  Help her along the way, but let her take the lead.  Give her the tools and knowledge to be successful, then let her fly.

18.  Do makeovers.  Let her do your makeup and hair.  Let her use every sparkly clip she can find and call you a princess.  Let her put the brightest shades of makeup on you.  When she's ready, teach her to do her hair and makeup.  Get manicures and pedicures together.  Go shopping.  Put on pretty dresses.  Be girly.

19.  Comfort her.  Be home when she's sick.  Drink 7up and watch movies on the couch with her.  Stay up all night when she can't sleep.  Fight invisible monsters.  Hold her when she's crying.  Let her sit in your lap no matter how big she gets.  Let her fall asleep on you.  Hold her hand.  Always answer her calls.  Be encouraging.  Be mommy.

20.  Read to her.  Let books take her on adventures.  When she's bigger, let her read to you.  Always have books available.  Share pop up books and chapter books.  Take her to the library.

21.  When she is lost, find her.  Physically or figuratively.  If she can't find her way back to you, find your way to her.  Never give up. Never stop searching.

22.  People are people.  Teach her to value all people.  To be humble. We're all equal.  Every single one of us.  Some might get paid more than others.  Some might have more "power" than others.  But everyone started out the same and will end the same.  Birth and death.  Don't let anyone make you feel "less than" and don't make anyone else feel "less than".  People are people.

23.  Trust her.  Whether she's ready to take that first step ever or first step on her own.  Teach her to trust herself.  She knows when she's ready.  Help her believe in herself by believing in her.  Trust her.

24.  Give consequences.  You are her mother.  It's your job to teach responsibility, cause and effect.  Discipline when it is needed.  She will be a better person when she has boundaries.  Set those boundaries.  Make sure she knows why she is being punished.  Always hug after.  Discipline and move on.

25.  Be proud.  Be her biggest number one fan, ever.  Let her hear your voice shouting above all the rest.  Let her see you sitting in the audience or crowd.  A mother's love is like no other, it can not be replaced.  She needs you.  Be proud of her.  Be proud to be her mother.  Claim her always as your own.  Your baby.  Your little girl.  No one can ever change that.  Love her completely and be proud.

So these are my rules.  What are yours??

Songs... And being lyrically challenged

So it's no big secret that I'm lyrically challenged.  I'm just not musically inclined, in fact, I'm musically retarded.  I just don't understand music and couldn't play an instrument to save my life.  I've tried, it's not pretty...  But I do have a beautiful baby girl who loves music (she takes after her daddy that way).  And she loves it when I sing to her, it actually calms her down most of the time.  So I've been dusting off my children's song repertoire and it's slightly convoluted.  I have even taken the time to look up a songs proper words and attempt to commit it to memory.  But when the moment hits, the actual words flee from my brain like a scarecrow running from fire. 

So what is the end result?  Songs with my own words substituted.  Most of the time, they center around using Sarah's name in some way, just so she knows how special she is ;-).  Poor child may get a bit of a shock when she realizes the songs she knows don't match those of other kids.  But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it... Do you want to know some examples of my songs to Sarah?  Great!  Keep Reading!  (Whoa, did I totally just ask you all a question like a children's show?  Yes.  Yes I did... that just happened... Maybe playhouse Disney is on a little too much in the background... haha!)

Let start with her favorite... Ironically the tune I use for this is actually the "Clean Up" song which I know every word... but along the way it changed and she loves when I sing my version.  Her whole face lights up:

To the tune of Clean Up, Clean Up
Sarah, Sarah
I love you!
I love you!
Sarah, Sarah
I love you so much!


To the tune of Bingo:
There was a mommy who had a baby
And Sarah was her name-o
S-A-R-A-H
S-A-R-A-H
S-A-R-A-H
And Sarah was her name-o.
(And repeat through like the Bingo song)
(Hey, I'm teaching her spell her name.. It works...)

To the tune of Jesus Loves Me:
Sarah's hungry this I know
For her crying tells me so
She's so hungry yes indeed
Hurry with the food mommy
Yes, Sarah's hungry
Yes, Sarah's hungry
Yes, Sarah's hungry
Her crying tells me so...
(This is always, Always, ALWAYS followed with the real version.  Because by then she's eating and calm and I want her to know the proper words)

To the tune of the Aardvark Song:
I love my Sarah
My Sarah loves me
I feed my Sarah milk and honey
My little Sarah goes...
(click you tongue 3 times)(or insert any babble, noise, movement of the moment)
Continue on with other animals, adding the mix but always ending with Sarah.
(No, I don't feed Sarah honey.  I know infants should NOT eat honey, it just rhymes and goes with the other words)

Some songs I just substitute Sarah's name into the song...

Grin Again Gang
Grin Again Gang
Get Gung Ho and Jesus
Smile sweetly Sarah so you'll send Satin sadly away
Buck up brother Bill
Because a bunch of bigger boys
Became a bunch of better boys
Behind big big smiles
Grin again gang get gung ho about Jesus

Some songs get similar words and yet I know they aren't right:
The Farmer and the Dell
The Farmer and the Dell
The Farmer and the Dell
Hi Ho the Cherry-o
The Farmer and the Dell

The Farmer takes a wife
The wife takes a horse
The horse takes a cow
The cow gives the milk
The milk turns to cheeze
The cheese stands alone
(I know it starts with the farmer, then the wife, and ends with cheese standing alone, gotta get there somehow)

Or
Hush Little Baby
Hush little baby don't say a word
Papa's gonna buy you a mocking bird
And if that mocking bird won't sing
Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring
And if that diamond ring won't shine
Papa's gonna buy you a lemon or lime
And if that lemon or lime is sour
Papa's gonna buy you a big tall tower
And if that big tall tower falls over
Papa's gonna buy you a dog named rover
And if that dog named rover won't bark
Papa's gonna buy you a green grass park
And if that green grass park turns brown
You'll still be the cutest little baby in town.


Other songs that get regularly sung to Sarah:
Jesus Loves the Little Children
Old Mac Donald
Yankee Doodle
Twinkle Twinkle / ABC's
5 Little Speckled Frogs
Row Row Row your Boat
I Am A Promise
Anchors Aweigh


And of course I have my lullaby's I sing to her.  I always sing these in the same order and they are her falling asleep songs if she's having a tough time at naptime or nighttime.

Baby Mine
You Are My Sunshine
Twinkle Twinkle
Goodnight Sweetheart (3 Men and A Baby)

I sing each song 3 times through before moving on the the next.  Usually by Twinkle Twinkle she's asleep or close to it.

So, um, yeah.  This is just a random little blog about the songs and music that are a part of Sarah's world.  I will say that she still prefers music that have no lyrics or singing when she's listening to recordings.  Jazz is her favorite, but classical comes in a close second these days.

Are you lyrically challenged?  What songs do you sing to your little one?

I Hope I Never Forget... 8 Months

Sarah,
Wow!  I can't believe you've been a part of our world for 8 months already!  I look at you sometimes and think, "Where did you come from?"  You're just such a delight to be around.  You've been showing us more and more bits and pieces of your awesome unique personality.  I have to be honest, at this stage in your growth and development I really feel like I can't take my eyes off of you for fear of missing some great big milestone!  So before I forget this crazy time, let's talk about what's been going on with you the past month.  At 8 months old I hope I never forget...

• The go go go!  Oh my goodness little one, you are on the move and giving us a run for our money!  We spent the entire weekend baby proofing the house, because you are going places and exploring every crevice of our house!
• Crawling!  You crawl like a champ!  You started scooting, where you would scoot around on all fours keeping one leg underneath you so you wouldn't pancake out on the floor, but that only lasted about 4 days.  Then you quickly learned that crawling was much more efficient and have been on the go ever since!
• Since we're talking about going places, you are also a pro at pulling up to standing.  Anything that is tall enough that you can get your hands on is fair game for you to pull up on.  You started out with both feet together, but now adjust to a wider stance immediately!  Papa came over and tethered all of our bookcases and tall furniture just to make sure your practicing is safe.  You can also stand for a few seconds unassisted and can side step around objects like the coffee table.  I have a sneaking suspicion that walking is just around the corner!  Oh, and you've started to show signs of being a climber by pulling with your arms and stepping up on objects that you are standing by, like the bottom shelf of a bookcase.
• Your resistance to all forms of napping.  I think you may have a bit of a stubborn streak in you.  (Not surprising with your parents... haha!)  You know when we are trying to put you down and will resist with all your might.  Then sleep for about an 1-1.5 hours when you are asleep.  You're still taking about 3 naps a day. 
• Daddy's Girl.  You are definitely on team daddy most days, although I come in at a close second.  You are just super attached to him at the moment.  You've even cried at Gammy or Grandma's house when you realized he left for work.  But you've never cried when he's left and I'm with you.  So I know you're happy to stay with me.  But, I'm happy you two are so close!
• Your chatty chattiness.  Yes I made up that word.  But you talk to us all the time, usually you rotate between Daddy and Mommy and all forms of those and will throw in some "Baba" too!  And your intonation proves that you are paying attention to conversations around you, and we swear you say "love you" sometimes, even if not it's close and we know what you mean ;).
• Bath time.  Bath time is our special time together every evening.  We have so much fun playing in the water and splashing.  You even really enjoy your naked play time afterwards.  But Lord help me when I go to put your PJ's on... You get so upset every. single. time.  It's so frustrating, but I know it's only because your tired and ready for bed.  We've also started to brush your two little teeth.  You don't like it, but it's getting better.  No new teeth to report.
• You're still a good eater, but don't like new textures or some of the baby food combinations, especially if it's a tart fruit (like raspberry's or peaches).  The only thing you have tried to feed yourself is water from your cup, which you are getting pretty good at with the reminders to tip it up, and a baby mum mum.  And really we just gave you the mum mum today after epic fails with puffs, yogurt melts, rice rusks, real banana etc.  And I'd say your favorite new food of the month is yogurt.  You're really digging the different flavored yogurts. You're least favorite is probably anything with barley in it.
• You love love love books right now!  You especially love books that have a song that goes with the pictures.  Snuggle Puppy, The Wheels on the Bus, There was an Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly..etc.  Once hooked on a book, you want to read it over and over again.  You also know the sign for book.
• Signing. You see and understand most of the signs we've introduced.  You'll do some of the back, but we're starting to expand your vocabulary to include, Drink, Water, Sleep, Stop, Sit, and Music.
• Playtime.  You're getting into a different phase of playtime.  Mostly you want to work on and show off your mad moving skills, but are getting into buttons and cause and effect.  You want to see how to make the music start or button light up.  On that note, you love toys that play music to you.  You are still not that into singing, but love to listen to anything instrumental.  You also still check to see what noise, if any, items make.  You shake, bang, and toss things to hear what noise they make.  You also like for us to build up towers with you blocks for you to knock down.  You don't really have a favorite toy at the moment, although you like your Elmo radio that plays different songs a lot.
• You are definately aware of people and know whether or not you've met them.  In small groups you do great, but in larger groups when everyone wants to hold you, you tend to get overwhelmed and be more clingy.
• You have transitioned from being more attached to your bear to your blanket.  You used to love bear more, but now need blankie often.  But as long as you have either or both, you're ok.
• You are all over your bed at night now.  You sit up and fall forward, you're head can be at either end.  When we check on you at night on the monitor we have to locate you head then figure out how you're laying.  We typically leave you alone, unless you look just completely uncomfortable.  It's quite entertaining actually!

I don't really know what else to say kiddo!  It's so much fun to see your perspective on the world.  You are keeping us on our toes and on the go!  I can't wait to see what this month brings.  I love you so so much sweet girl! 
Love forever and forever,
Mommy

The missing post...

I've taken a bit of a hiatus from the ole blog lately.  Now most of the time it is not intentional, but not this time.  I have been purposefully not posting on here as a way of protecting my family.  I don't want to anger or hurt any readers, but I have to get this out.  So here it goes...

You may have seen the pictures on earlier posts of Mike and Sarah's baptism and wondered why I haven't written a post on it.  It's a huge huge milestone for both Mike and Sarah.  But honestly, it has been such a source of heartache.  You see, a week after they were baptised it was made clear to us that our family was not welcome at the church we joined.   In their words "it may not be the right place for us".

Back up, okay, for those who don't know, my mom used to work at the church where we are members.  Long story short, they decided to eliminate her position, create a new one, beg (heavily encourage) her to apply, and then hire someone else, all while she was asked to continue to do the job.  It was a really shady, hurtful ordeal.  More members than just ourselves were completely thrown hurt by the way they chose to handle the whole process.  Apparently they are going in a new direction... But that's beside the point.

Getting back on track, I did write to the head of the committee voicing my disappointment.  And in the reponse I got, it was made clear that they felt that particular church wasn't our home.  So we were ousted a week after the baptisms.  It's just such a slap in the face.  I just can't wrap my head around that kind of mentality.  Welcome to Christ's church universal!  Yay!  Now get out. 

Wait. What?!

This is also in conjuction with the fact that our wishes for Sarah's baptism were not really respected.  We wanted her to poured over and she was sprinkled, neither of us got to lay our hands on her and pray for her (Not that we don't all the time at home, but you know, we were placing her in God and the churches hands... shouldn't we lay hands on her?  And all the family were there that wanted to lay hands on her too....)  I keep trying to focus on the fact that it's not the means but the intent that matters.  It's just hard because since I was a little kid, I looked forward to the day when my baby would be baptised.  When he or she would be walked up and down the aisle and be welcomed to the fold by the church.  I always love seeing the babies and when doing the congregational part of the vows I take it very seriously.  I WILL do EVERYTHING in my power to help that child grow up to know and love Christ.  I love infant baptism's and 6th grade confirmation's.  I just do.  It's such a celebratory time!

So now, my question is, what do I (we) do?  I never thought I'd be a person who would be so hurt by a church that I am completely turned off of the whole institution.  I guess I should be thankful for the way that I can now relate to all the lost sheep who refuse to give church a try because they were hurt.  But I don't want this big ole chip on my shoulder.  And Mike was one of those people who had been hurt by a church in his past.  Now, he had found a church he liked and felt comfortable, albeit little steps at a time, and now it's done the same thing in a different way.  I guess that's why they call it a journey...  We'll find our way.  But please pray for us as we look for a church that will welcome us with open arms for the family and people that we are...

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Now that you've read through the drama of the baptism, would you like to know the positive side?  Because let's face it, baptisms are a celebration!  As mentioned, both Mike and Sarah were baptised at the same time.  Daddy/daughter baptisms, how awesome!!  My mom made Sarah's baptismal gown.  She has a real talent at making gorgeous baptism gowns and it filled my heart with joy that she made something so special for my baby girl to wear.  The bonnet she made to go with the gown didn't fit Sarah very well, but in true grandma style, she had backups.  She looked so cute in her white bonnet and gown.  Just like a little doll baby.

Just to document some highlights of the day, Sarah did great through the service for being awake the whole time.  She did try to meet various family members eyes to smile and giggle at through out the service.  Despite our best efforts to keep her quiet, a few happy coo's escaped.  But hey, I'd rather hear happy sounds than unhappy sounds.  And really, who can resist a baby's smile?  And she's generally pretty good at mimiking her current surroundings.  She'll be quiet when it's quiet, and loud when it's loud.  I guess she just gets it.  Who knows if that will hold up in the future!  But for now, she's a good baby.

Funny thing, she actually started to fall asleep right when we were called up to do the baptism, so we kinda had to wake her up to do it.  As soon as she was sprinkled and handed back to me, she settled right back down and fell asleep, until the clapping started... which made that little head snap straight up to attention until I reassured her it was okay and she went back to sleep.  She was tired from all that eye catching she was trying to do throughout the service.  Needless to say, I am thrilled beyond thrilled that Mike made a commitment to Christ and that we have formally committed Sarah to God's care.  Haley was baptised a few years ago, so now our whole family is united with God.  Our journey is far from over, but we're all on the same path.

 

After the ceremony everyone went over to my parents house for a light lunch and some fellowship.  I think Sarah could sense that her time with Aunty Bethany was coming to a close, because she insisted on sitting on her lap and having her read to her.  Through out story time, Sarah would stop and cuddle into Bethany.  It was so sweet!!  She has such a sweet nature about her!  It was great to have both Mike and I's parents together to celebrate this great milestone in all of our lives!  I think it's one of the first times his mom's been back to church in years.  In fact, she's expressed an interest in searching for a church with us when we go.  The Holy Spirit is still at work in our family, just not through the church like we were expecting.  So in closing, I just want to be clear that we don't wish any ill will toward our former church, or the people there, it is just time to move on to our next stop on our Christian walk...