Recently my sister sent me a link on facebook to this blog post about rules for Mothers and Daughters. Needless to say, by the end I was in tears. There is so much that I anticpate doing with my girl(s), and I thought, I need to do this. I need to sit down and write out rules for us, or really rules for me. And maybe one day when we're in the throws of adolesence, I'll need this reminder. So here are my rules:
1. Be Present. Go to every event minor or major, just so she knows you're proud of her and her hard work. Bake cookies or cupcakes for birthday's and eat lunch with her at school when she asks. Chaperone field trips. Always be available to her.
2. Show her how to love. Love her deeply and passionately with no restraint. Show her that love, in it's purest form, is what living is about. Let her fall in love with whoever she chooses and if she gets hurt, cry with her. When she's ready, encourage her to love again. Giggle and gush over the boy(s) she likes.
3. Let life happen. Throw the rule book out the window every now and then. Desert for dinner, late bedtimes, and pink hair are okay. Let her know rules are important, but so is living.
4. Validate her opinion. Let her discover who she is and not who anyone else wants her to be (including yourself). Back her up. Her voice and thoughts are important. The way she thinks and processes things is perfect. Even if it's different from you.
5. Show her God. Everywhere you go and everything you do, teach her to see the face of God. Pray with her and for her daily. Show her how to have faith and trust in things unseen. Marvel at creation with her.
6. Hold her hand. Let her know your hand is always open to her. Squeeze her hand when she needs support. High five her when she's excited. Stroke her hand softly when she's upset. Always have a free hand to offer her.
7. Talk to her and listen. Share, share, share. Share secrets, share dreams, share fears, share feelings. Listen when she talks. Let her know it's okay to tell you anything and everything. Don't be scared of any topic. It's your job to talk about anything with her. Be her friend.
8. Teach her. Teach her all the things you know. If you don't know, learn together. Struggle through that tough test or subject with her. Make flashcards and quiz games. Teach her through living. Always take the opportunity to teach when you can. Share in her frustrations and set backs as well as her triumphs and excels.
9. Be silly. Laugh a lot. Sing, dance, wiggle, tickle, imagine, play. Be goofy and spontaneous. Dress up. Don't worry about what you look like. Follow her imagination.
10. Tell her she's beautiful. Everyday. Let her be a girly girl or a tomboy. Either way, tell her she beautiful with sweat running down her face or dolled up for a date. She is perfect the way she is. Lift her up. Tell her she's beautiful.
11. Get messy. Play in the rain, make mud pies, finger paint, mix food with your hands, use glitter. Make memories. Don't worry about the clean up. Live in the moment and get dirty.
12. Share traditions. Share both you and her fathers family traditions. Share that secret recipe and do things the same way it's always been done. Take pride in family and belonging. Show her the family tree. Share family secrets and stories. Let her know she claimed and is a valuable member of your family.
13. Teach her social skills. Show her how to make small talk, look people in the eye, be kind to everyone, and be a friend. Don't expect her just to know.
14. Make her a fighter. Show her when to stand up and when to walk away. Teach her to pick battles. Words are always better than fists, sometimes silence is better than words. Teach her the differences.
15. Kiss, Hug, Snuggle. Never underestimate the power of showing of love and affection. Don't be scared of physical contact. We're all human and need these things.
16. Be the safe harbor. Let your home be the one place she can always come and feel safe. Always give her a key.
17. Teach her to be independent. Let her choose her path, then teach her to stand on her own. Help her along the way, but let her take the lead. Give her the tools and knowledge to be successful, then let her fly.
18. Do makeovers. Let her do your makeup and hair. Let her use every sparkly clip she can find and call you a princess. Let her put the brightest shades of makeup on you. When she's ready, teach her to do her hair and makeup. Get manicures and pedicures together. Go shopping. Put on pretty dresses. Be girly.
19. Comfort her. Be home when she's sick. Drink 7up and watch movies on the couch with her. Stay up all night when she can't sleep. Fight invisible monsters. Hold her when she's crying. Let her sit in your lap no matter how big she gets. Let her fall asleep on you. Hold her hand. Always answer her calls. Be encouraging. Be mommy.
20. Read to her. Let books take her on adventures. When she's bigger, let her read to you. Always have books available. Share pop up books and chapter books. Take her to the library.
21. When she is lost, find her. Physically or figuratively. If she can't find her way back to you, find your way to her. Never give up. Never stop searching.
22. People are people. Teach her to value all people. To be humble. We're all equal. Every single one of us. Some might get paid more than others. Some might have more "power" than others. But everyone started out the same and will end the same. Birth and death. Don't let anyone make you feel "less than" and don't make anyone else feel "less than". People are people.
23. Trust her. Whether she's ready to take that first step ever or first step on her own. Teach her to trust herself. She knows when she's ready. Help her believe in herself by believing in her. Trust her.
24. Give consequences. You are her mother. It's your job to teach responsibility, cause and effect. Discipline when it is needed. She will be a better person when she has boundaries. Set those boundaries. Make sure she knows why she is being punished. Always hug after. Discipline and move on.
25. Be proud. Be her biggest number one fan, ever. Let her hear your voice shouting above all the rest. Let her see you sitting in the audience or crowd. A mother's love is like no other, it can not be replaced. She needs you. Be proud of her. Be proud to be her mother. Claim her always as your own. Your baby. Your little girl. No one can ever change that. Love her completely and be proud.
So these are my rules. What are yours??
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