So I know I wrote a post about a month ago about postpartum. I figure it's probably time for an update. So, I have been receiving treatment for about a month now and I have to say, it's the best thing I could've done. I was in such a state of depression, that I literally did not want to do anything outside of take care of Sarah. And while I did continue to take care of her, being that dependant on my baby for happiness is just not healthy. She should be dependant on me, not the other way around.
I want to very briefly touch on my treatment path right now. I am currently taking a low dose antidepressant. These types of medications have always scared me and I don't want to be dependant on a drug to feel normal, but the simple truth is, I need the help the medicine is providing right now. I go back to the doctor in the next two weeks to evaluate if the low dosage will be enough, or if I need to up it or if maybe I'm heading out of the woods. I honestly don't know what to expect from the visit. At my last visit, the doctor did forewarn me that it can take 9 months to a year to fully treat depression. And if you're going to treat it, you really need to see it through. I really don't want a relapse, so I'm going to be relying on him to set the correct treatment path, and hopefully before too long I'll be back without the help of antidepressants.
Having said that, I want to say that I do feel a lot more like myself these days. I have been productive in getting things done that have fallen to the wayside. I play more actively and creatively with Sarah. We go for nightly strolls. I'm eating better/healthier meals. And I've always tried to take her somewhere fun on the weekends and it doesn't feel like a chore or some colossal effort anymore. When she's napping or after bed time, I enjoy doing little things for myself. I just overall feel better. I wouldn't go so far as to say 100%, but definitely not the dark heavy place that I was before.
Part of why I am writing about this as a topic is because there is such a stigma about postpartum. When truthfully, a lot of women suffer from it, and the reality is we only ever hear horror stories associated with it. Those woman are the ones who were too proud to seek treatment. Life is too short to feel that way, and if you know that you aren't feeling like yourself or feel like your aren't adjusting to motherhood, talk about it. Our bodies go through so many changes to grow a human. We are flooded with hormones and blood and basically have a little parasite living inside us that our bodies naturally compensates for. So it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that there's going to be an adjustment period to get everything back to normal. I mean you're pregnant for 10 months, if it takes 10 months to get back to normal, that's okay. I had a hard time with this and wouldn't cut myself any slack for not bouncing right back. I kept thinking, this should be easier. I breezed through pregnancy, I should breeze through getting back to normal. I didn't want to admit that my body just wasn't adjusting to the postpartum phase well.
I have always ALWAYS loved my kid. I would never ever do anything to hurt her or harm her. But I want to be the best mom I can be and that includes taking care of myself so that I can be there for her in the best way possible. Just know that if you are suffering or have suffered, that you are not alone. And if you want to talk about it, feel free to email or message me.
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